Minnesota Criminal Sexual Conduct Lawyer
We communicate with each other in so many different ways, with our body language, our dress, our voices, our manner; we talk so often and listen so little. We come from many cultures and communities and families in which what we say has subtle meanings and consequences. It’s no wonder we often misunderstand each other! But in the areas of sexual consent, the meanings must be clear. Understanding must be clear because the consequences to both parties when consent is misunderstood can change the course of two people’s lives.
The devastating emotional and legal consequences of sexual assault or rape on both the accuser and the accused can hardly be overstated. Adults and educators must address how these misunderstandings and miscommunications happen, and how to stop the action and clarify if there appears to be a misunderstanding about consent.
A few basics that cover all people in all situations, however: a person has to be competent to give consent to sexual activity. This means old enough, without an intellectual disability, and without thinking and decision-making being affected by alcohol or drugs. It also means that one person cannot be in a position to compel or have undue influence over another, such as a boss, those with authority, or a teacher with a student. These restrictions are valid for all genders.
Stop and Reconsider Point: Do you have the power to compel another person toward sexual consent, either through your positional authority, or because you have some control over them? If so, then the power dynamics between you might change both parties’ understanding of consent.
Educators approach adults and children and teens differently. Adults have usually formed social and cultural understanding of the behavior of people from their own milieu. It is important, especially for young service members, to have an understanding of the cultural behavior of people from other lands. With the world becoming increasingly diverse, this knowledge is critical in many workplaces. It is especially critical for the military, as we are guests in a host country.
Group therapy with men’s groups addresses issues that have led to intimate partner violence. One of those issues, other than growing up in a home experiencing violence, is the habit of reinterpreting another person’s motives and desires based on one’s own understanding of communication. Approaching a woman in a pub, for instance, and making an assumption on her motives, based on her dress, behavior, or eye contact is starting to walk down the wrong path.
Stop and Reconsider Point: If you find yourself making assumptions based on your own understanding of another person’s behavior, motivation, and intentions, stop there and reconsider. If you hear yourself, and you’re saying, “she must want…” or “she’s asking for…” stop there and reconsider. You might be misinterpreting and misunderstanding.
The third stop and reconsider point for adults involves putting themselves into dangerous situations. For any adult, planning to drink until one cannot protect oneself is dangerous. Assuming a friend or partner will “take care of you” while you’re drunk is also a dangerous assumption. Becoming incapacitated with drink or drugs will put strangers in the position to have power over you.
Stop and Reconsider Point: If I continue, will I be able to protect myself? If the answer is no, then stop what you’re doing.
Teenagers are less able than adults to interpret subtle behavioral clues that a partner is uncomfortable. They are also less experienced with alcohol, and more likely to misjudge how much they have had and how vulnerable that makes them. The awkwardness of newly emerging social and sexual behaviors puts teenagers at significant risk of misunderstanding consent, or of not knowing how to stop a situation that has gotten out of hand.
Some teenagers have a safe word or phrase they can use with their friends if they feel like they might need to be rescued. But it is worth teaching teens, and letting them practice or role-play, how to stop a situation that is escalating. Teens need an adult to tell them that saying, “we need to slow down,” or “I don’t feel comfortable,” is not the same as telling someone you don’t like them. But it is critical to practice moving communication from “we need to slow down,” to “I want you to stop,” to “I don’t want to do that.” Many teens do not feel comfortable enough with a new partner to talk about sex. That is a good metric to suggest things are moving too fast.
Stop and Reconsider Point for Teens: If you don’t feel comfortable enough with your partner to say you are feeling uncomfortable and want them to stop, then consider that it’s too soon for sexual activity.
Strong adult women and men need to teach teenagers that owning their own bodies, and having control over their own behavior, is part of adulthood. Misunderstandings commonly used to compel behavior, such as the idea that if you go this far, you have to go that far, should be discussed openly, along with the strong social pressures to conform to the behaviors of others in the social group. But just having an adult tell a teen that they don’t have to go along with the crowd, if everyone is hooking up, doesn’t give teens the tools they need. Role-playing is a game teens are good at, and one that gives them practice at speaking the words and saying what they think, then evaluating other’s reactions.
It is sometimes difficult for adults to teach children how to say no when the question should never have been asked. But adults need to make sure that children have the tools they need to protect themselves. Children have an awareness of sexual activity, and adults can ease the burden by speaking candidly about sex as an adult behavior. By removing it from the realm of children, and giving children specific instructions about what to do to remain safe, kids are more likely to discuss fears or concerns than if an adult appears uncomfortable speaking about the subject.
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Posted 1st November 2018 by DeVore Criminal Defense